Help For Male Survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse (video)

About

As Christians, we need to acknowledge the needs of these men. Let us increase awareness. They need our prayers, love and tangible support. Please help stop the abuse, exploitation and violence. Share these resources with those who may need help.


LINK: Help For Male Survivors of Domestic Abuse and Violence

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of twobee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homosexuality and Same-Sex Attraction: My Recommended Reading List (video)

About

15 books are listed in this video. You can read my synopsis of most of them by clicking (copy/paste) the link below.
LINK: Same - Sex Attraction and Homosexuality: My Recommended Reading List
This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Your Experience With Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions (video)

About
Men who experience unwanted same-sex sexual attractions generally lock up their true and underlying feelings - feelings that should be addressed, not ignored or covered up. We need to be willing to face our fears and pain and let Jesus comfort us in them. The purpose of these journaling exercises is to help you connect with your feelings and history.

LINK: Your Experience With Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions
This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of khunaspix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Poll Question: Why Do You Want To Overcome Homosexual Feelings? (video)

About
You can vote in this online poll now. Just click (copy/paste) the link below. There are 18 choices offered. Choose as many as you want. You can only vote once and your answers are completely anonymous.


LINK: Poll Question: What Motivates (Motivated) You To Overcome Homosexual Feelings?

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Male Friendship and Emotional Intimacy (video)

About
I contend that in the case of guys with same-sex sexual attractions, honest intimacy with men is what we truly want. But it is also what we are very afraid of. Learning how to receive love and give love is scary. To develop close, non-romantic and platonic male friendships and relationships, we must push through our fears and loneliness.


LINK: Male Friendship and Emotional Intimacy
 
This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Gay? Experience SSA? What Do You Want The Church To Know About You? (video)

About
I want the seven questions in this video to be an opportunity for you to express to others what you want them to know.


LINK: What Do You Want The Church To Know About You?

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homosexuality and the Church (Part 4 of 4): Encouragement For Church Leaders (video)

About

It goes without saying that church leaders have a very demanding job with difficult responsibilities. But can the church speak about sexuality at least as frankly on Sunday morning as popular culture speaks about sexuality everyday? Can church members be given the grace to bring their brokenness out into the light without condemnation?


LINK: Homosexuality and the Church (Part 4 of 4): Encouragement For Church Leaders

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homosexuality and the Church (Part 3 of 4): We Must Acknowledge and Understand LGBT Culture and History (video)

About

Among the mission-minded Christians (churches) you know, how many include LGBTQ individuals on their priority list of unreached people groups? If we are to relate to and engage any particular group, we must learn about their culture and the value systems that keep it together. Then we can see how the unchanging truth of God's Word can be brought to bear on that culture.


LINK: Homosexuality and the Church (Part 3 of 4): We Must Acknowledge and Understand LGBT Culture and History

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homosexuality and the Church (Part 2 of 4): Sharing Your Faith (video)

About

See and acknowledge the person, not your preconceived view of a gay person. They are looking for love, acceptance and affirmation as a unique individual - just like anyone else. Jesus is the answer for those needs. The politics, ideology, behavior or motivation of a few cannot (and should not) be generalized to an entire group or to an individual.


LINK: Homosexuality and the Church (Part 2 of 4): Sharing the Gospel and Your Faith

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homosexuality and the Church (Part 1 of 4): "Is It A Sin?" (video)

About
Too many Christian communities have downplayed the grace, hope and love that Christ offers to those who have homosexual inclinations. The church needs to become a place where people can share their feelings and struggles without fear of rejection. We need to see real people, rather than focusing solely on their sexual disposition or behavior.


LINK: Homosexuality and the Church (Part 1 of 4): "Do You Think It Is A Sin?"

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When A Child Comes Out, Listen To Him (video)

About
A son who is coming out (or revealing his same-sex attractions) to his parents is not likely to be persuaded with scientific arguments, statistics and Bible verses. First things first: listen to him.

LINK: Listen To Him: Encouragement For Parents

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Same-Sex Attraction, Pornography & Masturbation (Pt 3 of 3) - video

About
Habitual masturbation and pornography use are areas many guys with SSA struggle with. The issues of pornography, masturbation and sexual addiction are complex. We can't process through them alone or in isolation. My goal in this video is to get us thinking (and hopefully moving) along toward healing and redemptive actions.


LINK: Same - Sex Attraction, Pornography and Masturbation (Part 3 of 3)

This video is part of a 20-part series.

Same-Sex Attraction, Pornography & Masturbation (Pt 2 of 3) - video

About
Habitual masturbation and pornography use are areas many guys with SSA struggle with. The issues of pornography, masturbation and sexual addiction are complex. We can't process through them alone or in isolation. My goal in this video is to get us thinking (and hopefully moving) along toward healing and redemptive actions.


LINK: Same - Sex Attraction, Pornography and Masturbation (Part 2 of 3)

This video is part of a 20-part series.

Same-Sex Attraction, Pornography & Masturbation (pt 1 of 3) - video

About

Habitual masturbation and pornography use are areas many guys with SSA struggle with. The issues of pornography, masturbation and sexual addiction are complex. We can't process through them alone or in isolation. My goal in this video is to get us thinking (and hopefully moving) along toward healing and redemptive actions.


LINK: Same - Sex Attraction, Pornography and Masturbation (Part 1 of 3)

This video is part of a 20-part series.

"Why Didn't These Feelings Go Away When I Became a Chrisian?" (video)

About

Homosexual attractions, feelings and behaviors may be intertwined in your life experience. Yet holistically and conceptually, homosexuality is not an isolated problem of mere sexual preference, orientation or disposition. It is not one problem or sin. It is symptomatic of many complex issues.


LINK: Why Didn't These Feelings Go Away When I Became A Christian? (or "I Keep Praying, But . . .")

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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Is There Hope? Is Their Forgiveness? (video)

About
Is there any hope for someone experiencing same-sex attractions? As with any person, a saving and obedient relationship with Jesus is central. In our relationship with Him, we ought to expect changes and growth in our lives well beyond our sexuality.


LINK: Is There Hope? Is There Forgiveness?

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of siraphat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If You Are Struggling With Same-Sex Attractions (or a Gay Identity) - Video

About:

It doesn't matter if you are a committed Christian or not. Nor does it matter if you are in the closet, celibate but self-identifying as gay or if you are involved in a gay or bisexual relationship. Your burdens can be shared and want to express my understanding and empathy. Above all, I want to reassure you that God does cherish you.


LINK: If You Are Struggling With Same-Sex Attractions (or a Gay Identity). . .

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of siraphat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Same-Sex Attraction and Lust (video)

About

Our battle with lust depends to a great extent on how we respond when temptation first hits. If we are going to be serious with God in developing a healthy and authentic sexuality as men, let us prayerfully consider the suggestions presented in this video.


LINK: Same-Sex Attraction and Lust

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of mack2happy / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Should I Respond To Someone's Homosexuality? (Part 2 of 2) - Video

About
Although several of the suggestions in the previous video (Part 1) would also apply to adolescents, specific comments about teenagers are the focus of this video. My thoughts about the worn-out cliche "love the sinner, hate the sin" is also included here.


LINK: As A Christian, How Should I Respond To Someone's Homosexuality? (Part 2 of 2)

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Should I Respond To Someone's Homosexuality? (Part 1 of 2) - Video

About

"I suspect someone I know is struggling. I don’t want to ‘out’ him or embarrass him. I just want to reach out to him without pushing him away."
This question is an ideal place to start because we all know someone directly or indirectly affected by this issue. Keep in mind that every person is an individual and a specific response may (or may not be) applicable for a particular person at a particular time or circumstance.

LINK:
As A Christian, How Should I Respond To Someone's Homosexuality? (Part 1 of 2)

This video is part of a 20-part series. Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2014 Summer Video Series

About: This link takes you to the "About This Blog" page on my primary blog: http://samesexattractions.wordpress.com/about-this-blog/

About Me

This post is probably a bit longer than it should be. Feel free to skip to the parts that interest you . . .

• Early Faith History
• Homosexual Attractions
• Passion and Personality
• Bring Your Light

A Summary of My Early Faith History

Growing up, I rarely heard the word "God" used. I remember my parents giving my older brother and I a children's Bible storybook when we were eight and seven. I read about God, Jesus, the patriarchs and early church leaders. But they were not anybody special or real; just characters in one of the many books I read as a child. It wasn't until I neared adolescence that I intellectually acknowledged there was a "God". By junior high school, I was growing tired of the empty life I had lived thus far. My father talked to me about God and the Bible and I listened . . . passively. What relevance could God play in my life? 

But by the early summer before my senior year of high school, I kept asking myself with increasing anxiety, "What is the reason for living?". What I needed was a substantive relationship with someone. Emotionally, my family was not close. I didn't have anyone who I would consider a "real" friend. It became easier for me to descend into bouts of depression. Many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking how easy it would be to end my life. I had thoughts about using a gun. I did eventually make a serious suicidal attempt with a knife.

Fortunately, at about the same time, I was attending worship services with my mother (sparingly). When Vacation Bible School began in the summer of 1991, I found myself wanting to go. I was 17. After two days I wanted to be baptized. I believed Jesus was the Son of God. I was convicted of the sin in my life (morally, I felt ruined). I believed that God was the last hope for me; to fill the emptiness that defined my life.

Learning what it means to be a "Christian" was difficult. Many in my new church family sensed (and some even told me to my face) that I was too odd, strange, and different to waste their time with. Ignored, I was left to fend for myself. But the minister of our church took me under his wing and nurtured my faith and self-esteem. He demonstrated God's love for me and he ignited in me a passion for God's Word. But even more important, I knew and believed that God would always there for me, even when I was distant from Him or if Christian friends abandoned me.

During these early years I saw the Lord primarily as a friend who helped me when I needed Him. By the time He led me to attend a local Christian university to finish my last two years of college, I was viewing Him more as a nurturing Father whom I was growing closer to. He was someone whom I relied upon more often for strength. And He was someone who was bigger than I who had rightful authority over my life.

As strange as it sounds, I thought then (and I think even now) that my greatest fear is being abandoned by God. If He weren't a part of my life in any way I would literally fall apart. I would cease to exist. I wouldn't have any reason whatsoever to live. I don't understand completely why He forgives me - but He does. It's even harder to understand why He continually forgives me - but He does.


Redemption - being delivered at the expense of Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. In many ways, I feel personally ashamed that God made the sacrifice He did. He didn't have to.  But once I consider that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to save himself, herself or anyone else, it becomes a bit easier. And if I receive any condemnation from God in any form, I can't argue because He is just and righteous. Because Christ paid the ultimate price, I have received the greatest blessing and assumed the greatest of responsibilities.
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I became aware of my homosexual attractions around the age of 15.

Instead of acting on my emotional and physical desire to experience romance or sex with another guy, I lived out large chunks of my teenage and young adulthood in emotional isolation and social detachment. I quietly kept in and fiercely guarded my emotions, thoughts and needs. 

Ironically, I funneled my anxiety and energy into helping other people understand their anxieties; to cope with their problems and difficulties:

• Although I am neither a licensed mental health professional nor a theological expert, my vocational background is in the areas of mental health, research and religious education.
• Since my first year of college (in 1993), I have served as Youth Director and as Director of Religious Education for churches in the southeastern region of the United Sates.
• I have written three books geared toward nurturing teens, young adults and new Christians in the faith.

Since I came to Christ at age 17, God revealed to me a glaring need in the churches and ministries I served: faith-based sex education. My students and my peers responded very well to the short curriculum I developed. Many of them were yearning to experience how the Word of God could practically and powerfully inform their concerns about sex.


Even now, 20 years later, I have many of my past students telling me that I was the only Bible teacher/youth worker who took their sexuality and relationship questions seriously. I know it's not easy. But we, as Christians, must do better.


This same-sex attractions blog grew out of lessons in my curriculum, my own experiences and the experiences of others I have known. It is rough in some places but my focus is not about polish nor being popular. I want this blog to have a gentle presence to welcome and encourage. I am confident the Lord will use it to bless and reach others in His own ways.

I want to share information and resources that can help you, your family, your friends and your church to move the conversation around this tough subject forward. To find solutions. To find common ground, understanding and love. Negativity, a victim mentality, political arguments and the latest public controversy are not what this blog is about.
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Passion and Personality

I am a private, quiet and reserved person by nature. Conscientious, deliberate, tactful and a precisionist (but not a perfectionist). I have placed a tremendous value on the few personal relationships I do have. And I consider a very select few as close and personal friends.

Being highly observant and aware of people's feelings and reactions, I often find myself striving to bring order, peace, security and harmony in whatever situation I am in. Although  I am very introspective, I have been accused of loving too much; caring too much about the needs and concerns of other people.

My interests include traveling (exploring nature and different cultures), the performing arts, classical music, instrumental (smooth) jazz, spiritual meditation, writing, volunteer work and exercising my culinary skills.

One of my driving passions is helping people overcome the emotional and spiritual obstacles in their lives. My life purpose is to inspire and empower people to live their highest vision in a context of love and joy. And I believe God can take our hedonistic, faithless, corrupt and hopeless circumstances and transform them (and us) into something that glorifies His holiness.
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Bring Your Light

A few people have asked me why I use a single, lighted candle as my Gravatar / signature image. A desire to reflect the light of Christ is the main reason but I was also inspired by the words of psychologist Dr. Mark Yarhouse. Throughout the last decade, several of his books have helped me better understand my same-sex attractions within the context of my identity and my Christian faith. The following excerpt is from his book "Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends". You can read my summary of this book by clicking here.

If you contend with same-sex attractions, a homosexual orientation, or a gay identity, I pray that Dr. Yarouse's words (along with this blog) will serve to encourage you . . .

 I would like to see the church say to the sincere strugglers, "Bring your light." I don't think we think about Christian sexual minorities in this way. Yet I have been impressed by the depth of spiritual conviction I've seen among those Christians who are stewards of their sexuality. While I may get a pass in the areas I struggle with in life, these fellow believers face a hard decision every day. They say no to what the gay community and broader culture promotes so that they can say yes to something else, something they feel God is calling them to, even if they get little to no support from their local faith community.

I want to say to the Christians who are stewarding their sexuality: Bring your light. I recognize the stigma associated with this experience or struggle in particular. So be aware of that as you identify who you share your experience with. And keep in mind that the church will expect you to bring liberal theology to pressure the church to change its doctrine on sex. There will be fears that come with transparency.

Even with all of that, I want to say this: In time . . . share your experiences anyway.

- pages 175, 176

Click here for a list of my favorite resources, links and videos.  

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About This Blog

Do you ever feel out-of-place?

Standing out and not like everyone else?

Feel like you've spent your whole life as if you were on the outside looking in?

As a seven-year-old, I watched the other boys run, jump, tumble, roll, wrestle and yell. Animalistic, unrestrained and LOUD. Being shy and awkward, I just stared at them on the playground during recess. Forcing my back into the rough, brick wall of the school building with all my strength, my heart was racing and I was on the verge of tears. They were no more than 20 yards from me. I was absolutely terrified. But I so much wanted to be right in the middle of it.


The vivid feelings of vulnerability, desire and confusion I experienced in those moments on the playground that day would resurface again and again throughout my youth and young adult years. However, the vulnerability, desire and confusion that defined my same-sex attraction has not (does not) define my life and my identity.


Same-sex sexual attraction is a reality of my life. Yet as any other part of my life, I must continually surrender it to the Lordship of my Savior Jesus Christ.

Within this blog, my mission is to write and share articles that best represent my perspective regarding unwanted same-sex (sexual) attraction and homosexuality.

I have a list of specific things I want to write about but I know I don't have all the answers.

So if you experience SSA like me, I encourage you to continue to persevere, grow and learn. Embrace humility, love and grace. Not just for yourself, but share them with others as well. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect. Your life and experiences do matter.

And yet, I have asked and agonized over the same questions many of you have:

• “Why did this happen to me?”
• “How did it happen to me?”
• “Sometimes I am excited and like the feelings I have; other times I am disgusted with myself.”
• “Can I change?”
• “Will life ever get any better?”
• “Do I have to out myself before my church?”
• “Is my personal testimony or story a part of God’s will or His plan to glorify Himself in my life or in the lives of others?”

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These are the types of questions and feelings that are seared into our memories and psyches. The scars are still tender and raw. Keeping this in mind, I want this blog to be an interactive resource. An outlet for those who are familiar with this lonely path. And who want to share this journey with us.

No matter how different or unique we are, every person wants and needs understanding, love, and affirmation as a person of worth, value and respect.

Until churches, families, and individuals are willing to deal with issue of homosexuality in a redemptive way, people will continue to struggle in silence. 

My goal is to share my heart, perspective and concern for those who experience unwanted same-sex attractions. I want to share information and resources that can help you, your family, your friends and your church to move forward. To find solutions. To find common ground, understanding and love.

I want to reassure you that God is crazy about you. He does love you. He values you with a deep passion. God’s love for us is far greater than our sexuality. 

Same-sex attraction or a homosexual orientation may be part of our experience. But heterosexuality is not the goal or the measure of success. What matters is growing in obedience and Christ-likeness. Our vocation, our calling - our first and primary obligation is to God. In every aspect of our lives, we are to be faithful stewards of what He has entrusted us with. We don't need to see same-sex attractions as the core of our identity. Our identity is in Christ. 

Although I will get personal at times, this blog isn’t meant to be my personal journal. Likewise, I will NOT to present (nor engage in) convoluted sociological, theological, scientific or political arguments and theories about homosexuality or LGBT life/culture. There are times, places, contexts and forums for these types of discussions. This blog is not one of them.


Encouraging resources, helpful information and honest sharing are my goals. Biblical truth, love and grace are the frames of reference I will be coming from. Allow me to speak from my heart to yours. Let your perspective and heart speak to our fellow travelers and to me. May the Lord take our imperfections and use them for His purposes and glory.

Click here for a list of my favorite resources, links and videos.

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